Its the season to love? Chocolates, roses, reds, pinks, romances, lace, silk, all these things stimulates that part of our being, bringing out in us some ideal sense of love. One aspect of Love is that we romance, for a month, for a day. Then she A gathers her robe and sadly returns to the dark corners of our being from whence she came, neglected for the rest of the year. O how she yearns to be loved completely, utterly. Yet we in our narrow mindedness, seek her for one thing, and one thing only. We conjure her up for our limited purposes then push her away, we dont let her BE. We dont sit at her feet captivated by her beauty, we dont seek her knowledge and understanding that it, until we are cut, and our hearts bleed. She will not be neglected. And you will treat her with divine reverence willingly, or forcefully. You will learn to pay attention to her body language, you will learn the meanings behind her words.
I believe LOVE has initiated me into her divine mysteries. I have experienced love as pain and pleasure. Something that will strip you naked bare, all parts exposed, then clothe you again, slowly, in the finest garments, layer by layer. I believe love encompasses the emotions, colours of the universe, and the friction of its intercourse creates the universe and everything herein, which includes you and your life. I believe Life is an inner and outer struggle whose purpose is to erect the throne for LOVE to reign supreme. Yet love gets one day of worship? Neglected? Neglected to the point we need a reminder once a year, limited as that reminder may be. My epiphany is this: How interesting is it that the month of love is also Black history month? A month in which we reflect upon a history that many have also neglected to those black shadows. Isnt it also ashame that we need a month to be reminded of this, such a forgetful people! And we only conjure this history forth selfishly, unfulfilling its own needs. It also needs us to pay attention to its images to pay attention to the meanings behind the messages and mind them.
Love and Struggle.
If we concentrate our observation long enough, LOVE, will reveal unto us her true identity. The stigma of narrow, superficial vision will fall like scales from our eyes, allowing our sight to peer depths and into our periphery, reconstituting the interconnectedness of her body, All things. Until then we wont even see the interconnectedness of our own neglect, How our neglect dismembers her sacred, beautiful body: The community self.
I AM .. but the superstructure, the synthesis of the dialectical processes of my past, the result of the Yin and Yang in motion; a mere wave in Humanitys ocean, bringing with me elements of the sea, to the sea shore, a wave created by my beloved moon, my love; she, like Isis reconstituted my dismembered body mind and soul, and resurrected me, like Osirus, from my zombie like ignorance. And I am now able to see not just with my eyes but also my EYE, that inner Eye of understanding that sits at the top of the pyramid of my being, and I have no choice but to reach out to my brothers and sisters about me, and grab them in a such a way that their rotting flesh makes them slip not from my grasp so that I may initiate them also into what ive been made to understand. This is my task, besides giving my gorgeous wife more love than she can comprehend, a love she deserves, a love I deserve to be able to give her. I was once debating with a civil attorney that felt what I had been writing wasnt enough for people to understand who I am. Though to some extent, now I agree, then I argued that if people were to read my writings, they would find a common thread of rationale that will guide them to the essence of my being. Yet I dont eve think she understood what I was saying. I was indeed speaking from a dark void, I didnt even understand, But my Queen, San asked me to expound upon what my vision is though the vision is not mine, and what I want.
When ive demonstrated here behind the condition of humanity, officers have asked me, as if annoyed what do you want? I usually respond, without really thinking about it, by saying I want to go home to my wife, I need to be able to hold my wife, most of them dont know how to react to this humanity pouring out of me, a DEATH ROW PRISONER. The chasm between us was too wide. The body had been dismembered for so long, it didnt recognise itself. Maybe they didnt know I had the compacity to love. They, out of neglecting part of who they are, dont seethat I AM LOVE-Being. The love for my Gem-N-Eye Queen-self sandie, consumes me like some mystical fire, We can communicate telepathically, because we are made one, through the marriage of our LOVE. What we experience of Love is LOVEs most intimate parts. Through our love we taste God, Our love is ecstacy but the physical separation is painful. It hurts, I wake up many times holding myself thinking it was her cuddling me through the cold night. It sometimes the only way I can sleep. I pray that the heavens will bless me with dreams of relishing in her touch. And I have, I talk to her, I talk to you baby, when I pace my cage, imagining us walking together. I talk to you my love when I go to this concrete tomb of a shower. We talk, we laugh as we wash each other, washing the concrete tomb away.
I pound the wall Damnit!! I shouldnt be here! God let me Be with my Queen, my moon, my anchor. I want to pillow fight with my queen, I want to pillow talk with my Queen. Cook and clean with my Queen. I want to love her scars, and mend her deepest festering wounds with the love that flows through me.
I am not just a husband, but a father. I need to be with the young balance to my Queens yin, in that household, helping in raising her son, our Son Kye an intelligent and handsome young man. I can be his example of what a man is. I can guide him through his awakening senses. I can show him how to live in his heart, his mind, his soul, I understand im just an agent and that he is ultimately the son, the sun of tomorrow. I can prune here and there but let him BE, blossoming into his own man, and not the man I wasnt in my past. I can show him that our Home is not only a microcosm of the universe but a microcosm of the community. A Man.
My sense of self goes beyond me, beyond the self of my wife, and I, beyond the self of our family. It encompases the community self which is why I struggle within myself to further open myself to the task at hand. I have an obligation wherever I am to build, to build the bridge reconnecting the lowerself to the higher self of the universal self. The level of your consciousness will determine whats left in your wake. This is one of the reasons I am so discusted with the system murdering Stanley big took Williams, the co founder of the CRIPS.
While imprisoned he sought knowledge, and Became aware of self, and with that awareness came a love of self. The more he expanded his circumference of knowledge the more his awareness of his circumference of self expanded. Through his new found level of consciousness he re examined the dialectical processes of his past and saw the causes and effects of the whole of his experiences, because he understood what it means to live in a vacuum, because he understood that his peers, other gangbangers and himself didnt live in a vacuum but were reacting to forces they didnt understand, he was able to reach into a wide swath of the condemned that threatened to level everything in their path to their level of un-consciousness and raised them out of their slumber, their zombification, he made them aware of the moto the fire within them, so that they could channel it into passionate community upliftment, and not passionate destruction. And many did what Nikki Giovanni asked of them, Killing that nigga in themselves, while getting themselves free from the mis-education of gangbanging. He was carrying out the community revolution to bring about our brotherly love over our destruction.
Big Took, had done from the narrow confines of his cell, what hundreds if not thousands of school counsellors probation officers, judges, prison psychologist, and parole officers, couldnt do. And in the Governators narrow superficial vision of social justice he refused to weigh the social change Tookie Williams was bringing with his protocol for peace and allowed Tookies execution to proceed. This makes me wonder who or what exactly they wanted to kill. It boils down to Life; Life that began to flourish from muck and mire of gangbanging.
Can we rise from our ignorance and show our intellectual and spiritual potency without becoming a target, a head that must be severed or else it will lead? I feel the panic, I was told I shouldnt show myself to know too much, But I must scream: Thus system is not about rehabilitation but incarceration! Thus why the recidivism rate is ridiculous. Thus why our brothers and sisters enchained that demonstrates leadership qualities should be supported not Isolated.
I am a social scientist. I am concerned with grassroots activism, I have given myself to finding solutions to social injustices, whether its raising the spiritual, socio-political consciousness of those within my reach, or its organizing and mobilizing, behind a community agenda. Its what I have done, and what I will continue to do as long as love flows through me.
This is the innocence behind my innocence. This is the extent of my LOVE. And I ask you to meditate on what Love means to you. Now excuse me I have a valentines day poem to write for my Queen Sandie.
Community Revolution in Progress
With everything I am
Reginald Omari Huduma Blanton